Friday, February 23, 2007

I'm beginning to see a pattern

I think with a year's worth of observational data its time to do some analysis. Don't worry, I'm not talking about my marriage, I'm talking about the new status quo regarding my CFS.

I think my illness has well and truly entered a third phase. When I first got sick as a kid, I was sick all the time - with only one in seven years straight. It was utterly crap, boring, daytime TV, headaches, frustration - basically not fun.

Then something changed, I got back to school, did my A-levels and went to University. Whilst at Uni I was generally ok, few ups and downs, and the odd major crash lasting two to three months. They were horrible, feeling like I was trapped in the body of a very grump 80 year old. But I came out of them, and was well to the point of actually going jogging (yes, me, jogging, don't faint).

Then 2005 happened. I moved 250 miles, got a new job and a new husband. About 1 month after I came back from honeymoon I crashed. But after a week in bed I was back to work half time and worked my way back to full time - so not the 2-3 month crash I'd had before. Since then I've never been 'right' (or 'right' for me anyway). I always seem to be working the last bit of my energy on credit. Even when we've been on holiday I've struggled to walk very far or stay awake for long periods of time. With the odd blip day here and there I've been working full time. That, however, has pretty much been it - not much of a life outside - and when I do try to do something, like decorating the hall last weekend, I end up in a heap by the end of the week. I worked from home yesterday, but I wasn't even up to doing that today.

So I reckon this is my new pattern, I'm going to call it "Livin' on the Edge" as a homage to Aerosmith. How long this one will last, I don't know. I haven't decided if its better or worse than big crash, long boom of the previous few years - although at least it does help us with our financial stability. Would be nice to feel like I had some energy left to live the life of my own choosing, but it doesn't look like that is what's happening at the moment.


AdventuringJen said...

Hello darling
I'm all caught up :)
Do you still live in hope that it will all go one day? It sounds like you do and I hope you do. I guess stability has some major bonuses at this point in time but being able to enjoy more would be so fabulous. Ah, miss you!

doctor/woman said...

But at least you can work full time! Lots of people with CFS can't. You show that occy health doctor! And hopefully things will go on getting better. By the way, is that an actual graph of your CFS, or just a pretty graph?

Lex Ham Rand said...

Pretty graph!

How's it going, MM?

Mad Medea said...

Graph is just a pretty graph... but I like the colours.

I know doctor/woman, I am very grateful for the health that I do have. 95% of the time I do just shrug it off and accept my lot, but every now again I get pissed...