Cream crackered

Yes, ok, I'm tired now. Having worked non-stop since Christmas, and easily pulling 10 hour days and most weekends for most of February I have officially stopped now. Had a duvet day on Monday and worked from home Tuesday and Wednesday. My brain was so tired, and so full of stuff. Amazingly I haven't had a proper CFS crash, I think this may just be 'normal knackered' which is quite a relief. I am now sat in bed with a ginger cat and my laptop, with hubland is watching football downstairs. I'm browsing www.etsy.com for new jewellery (I actually don't have that much, need more earrings) and watching 'Kitchen Nightmares USA' on 4OD.

Although I've enjoyed what I've been doing at work, and learnt so much, I'm pretty hacked off at some of the Senior Management and the general lack of direction for the University I work in. We're not bad, and we're not an ex-poly (which comes with its own challenges), but we're not currently holding our own among what we'd consider our 'peer institutions'... in fact some of our alleged peers have completely transformed themselves in the last 10 years or so while we've stood still. That has finally been brought home to everyone with the joy of the RAE (google it, go on, I dare you) - the funding letters arrived on Thursday and we've lost a big chunk of our recurring research funding. Some of it isn't our fault, the new allocation formula is mad, but a lot of it is.

We don't actually have a strategy, something that tells us who we are and where we're going. We seem plagued by indecision, with Senior Manager's influenced more by an offhand comment from a fellow VC/PVC at a conference than from the advice of their professional staff... and then there is the paralysis from fear and inability to talk calculated risks. I think I'll give it another year, but then if things don't improve it may be time to move on. It can be pretty demoralising to work your arse off in a job that you've been hired to do, present great ideas, beautifully written papers, to do everything you are meant to be doing, and not get anywhere or have your ideas taken seriously when it comes down to the crunch.

I am lucky, with the internal rearrangements that took place last summer, I've got a lot more responsibility and I am glad to be able to say that the people I respect, respect me. So that's keeping me going for the moment. But my work means a lot to me and I can't stay forever in a place that doesn't let me do for it what I know needs to be done.

D-Day

Today is the 1st of August, and also the 1st day of my new eating regime. I've put on a stone since I got married 2 half years ago, most of it went on in the first 6 months - due to some unfortunate drug side effects and boredom at work. It's been pretty stable since then so I must be eating the right amount of calories to maintain by weight.

So, for the month of August, I'm going to be strict with myself: no cake, no biscuits, no full-fat fizzy drinks and no dairy (I'm sure my IBS inteferes with my metabolism). I'm not a big indulger but as I'm on maintain weight mode, cutting the calorific things I do eat is the easiest way to change. I know I can lose 1-2 pounds a week by just being strict, I've done it before but now I need to stick with it, something I find really hard, so I think a month is a good initial period to aim for - also September and October are going to be mad, so if I lose weight in August my aim for those months will be to maintain.

In the long rung I'd like to be two stone lighter, but I haven't been near that since I was at school. It would be the right weight for my height though - putting me in the 'healthy' BMI range. My current BMI is 29.12. My long term target BMI is 24.5. Although that's at the top of the healthy range, I think I'd look damn strange if I was any skinnier than that. And really, I should knock off about half a stone for my boobs as they weigh a ton!

I'm also going to try and up my activity levels. I have to be rather careful with this though, as I do have a limited energy supply and my sleep is screwed at the moment leaving me more tired than usual. My tactics are going to be (when I feel up to it): walk around campus at lunchtime, walk up the hill from the station, go for walks in the evening with Ben - must dig out my pedometer. If I ever get a bathing suit that actually fits (I'm waiting for no. 3 to arrive in the post) I'll also try and add swimming - although the facilties around here are not top.

I'll let you know how it goes - hell if I lose 4 pounds I'll be happy!